The Great Oven Fire of 2008

I have a new oven, after a small fire in the old one. It was rather exciting. And no, I didn't burn dinner (as several people - men - have joked to me). I was preheating the oven, and noticed a strange glow emanating from one corner. Upon further investigation, I calmly told Mr. Incredible: "We seem to have a small oven fire." I was terribly calm, I think. The element in the bottom of the oven was giving off sparks and a flame.

I turned the oven off. Nothing changed. We threw some baking soda on there. Nothing changed. The fire was making its way around the curve of the element, burning through it, sparking all the way. I was sort of mesmerized, wondering what would happen if it made its way all the way around and into the wall.... Mr. Incredible called the kids in to give them an object lesson in how to use a fire extinguisher. (Note: Do not use a fire extinguisher unless you really really really need to.) That yellow stuff went Everywhere. Everywhere. I am still wiping it up, even on the floor above the kitchen. It wafted over everything. Everywhere. And....nothing changed. Still fire and sparks. How can the fire extinguisher not put the fire out?! Finally Mr. Incredible thinks to shut the circuit breaker off. Genius! The fire goes out. Would that we had thought of that before the fire extinguisher.

Since dinner was ruined (remember the fire extinguisher stuff went Everywhere, including in my pasta sauce), we decided to go out for dinner, but wondered if it was safe to leave the house. So we called the fire department down the street, on the non-emergency number, and they decided to come out without the sirens to make sure there was nothing going on in the walls. They brought a thermal imaging camera and checked for hotspots. WonderBoy, who loves all things sciencey, thought that was very cool. We stopped first to eat at Waffle House, but they were closed. Waffle House. Closed! Some kind of kitchen repairs. At this point, we introduced the concept of "resiliency" to the kids. Over pancakes and other breakfast-for-dinner treats at another restaurant nearby, we decided that we want to be a resilient family. A worthy goal, I think, and one which we are well on our way to achieving.

Anyway, since the element was destroyed, one burner didn't work anymore, and the oven was original to the house, the parsonage people sprang for a whole new one. I went shopping with the parsonage committee chair, and ended up with a new ceramic glass top oven that is nice and shiny, and still giving off that smoky smell, after cooking two dinners in it. I feel protective of it, and have been making pledges to it. I will not leave food spills to burn and tarnish you. I will not leave hand-washed pots to drip dry on top of you. I will wipe you down each night. I will use the special glass-top cleaner you came with regularly. The oven looks back at me so trustingly. Meanwhile I can hear the microwave and the dishwasher and fridge laughing behind my back.